it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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