She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
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You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
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My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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