your room smells of hookers.
And success
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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