Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
