Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
