well you can't waste a boner
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize