you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
