You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
