what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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