my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
