Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
now i know why i became what i already was.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
