Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
