they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
do herpes really smell.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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