just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
