I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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