Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I party with great urgency now.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
