i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE