Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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