Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed