ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.