did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
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