$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.