Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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