I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
