she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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