): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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