with your own penis?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Terrible idea I love it
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
