This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
