Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
