i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
