onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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