splinters make it hard to masturbate
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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