Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
