Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
