She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
