Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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