You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
