That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
