i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
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