you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
