What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You are a genius and a whore.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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