It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
