You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
