Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
