I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
