My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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