Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
