I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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