U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
