Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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