Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
and you fell through a lawn chair
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I accidentally stubbed my dick
Randomize
