I wish I could teleport
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm passing your future prison.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
