Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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