Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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