you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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