I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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