Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
