take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
