No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
