I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You have to summon your inner elephant
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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