at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
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drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
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He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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