swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
