I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
