i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize