Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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