You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
