I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
