the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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