During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
