you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
