Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My ass is underappreciated
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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